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This year, as with past years, I spent time thinking about how I would cope with the day, I even started a blog post about it. The day came and went and I totally forgot about it. So, apparently this is how I dysfunctionally deal with my mom’s deathiversary. For me, forgetting feels a lot worse than remembering the pain; which is why I’m writing this post today – to implore you to be like me. Distract yourself by getting together with friends, going to the movies, or taking a short trip.
On the morning of October 24th I stepped out of my house and as soon as the smell of fall hit me I thought, holy crap, is it the day? Litsa and I have written many blog posts about dealing with grief on special days.
When I looked at the date and realized it was actually the day after, I was shocked. We helped you reframe Valentines Day, we offered you 8 New Year’s resolutions for grievers, we suggested a fun family activity for remembering loved ones on Easter, we came up with a list of ways to remember your loved one during the holiday season, we challenged you to search for joy on Mother’s Day, and Litsa laid out a rock star tutorial on Father’s Day sulking. Visit or spend time in a place where you feel close to your loved one. Take the trip you had been planning or dreaming about. Read old notes, letters, or e-mails from your loved one.
Clearly we advocate for finding constructive ways to acknowledge and cope with tough days; although I will totally support you in ignoring them if you so choose. Some will want to fully feel the sadness and emotion of the day (what I like to call ‘wallowing with a purpose’), some will want to stay positive, some will want to do a quick and casual acknowledgement, and some will want to spend the entire day focused on the deceased.
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The anniversary of my mother’s death was this past week, October 23rd to be exact. Build a memorial with portraits, personal items, and objects that remind you of your loved one.
Comment below and share with us how you dealt or will be dealing with the anniversary of a loved one’s death.
You may also be interested in our (free) mini e Course, Managing Grief on Holidays and Special Days. Take flowers to the grave site, memorial site, or other place where you go to remember your loved one. If you don’t want to give away any of their things, just make a charitable donation in their name. Volunteer with a charity or cause close to your loved ones heart.
Make a toast or say a prayer or blessing in their honor.
Celebrate the strengths you have developed as a result of your loved one’s death.
Make a keepsake box of things that remind you of your loved one.